Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Back to school! *shudder*

Now that I'm no longer teaching I can be honest. I HATED the first day of school. All those new faces watching me, evaluating me. I'd have teacher anxiety nightmares for at least three weeks beforehand. And it's not like I had good lesson plans to fall back on, either. I mean, Get to know you BINGO is all right, but eventually I'd have to find a way to squeeze in "my expectations for the year." And one first day I slipped and landed right on my butt. My whole class erupted in laughter. Ugh.

I liked the first day of school much better as a student. All new colored pencils and a new Trapper Keeper (remember Trapper Keepers???), getting new teachers, a chance to learn wonderful, new things. Unfortunately, after about a week or two I'd remember why school could be a bastion of boredom and misery, but every September, after a long, quiet summer, I'd magically forget again.

So I'm approaching my first day in my MA program with mixed feelings (for more about my program, see my first post). Like my first day as a student, I'm really excited about all the new people I'm going to meet and new things I'm going to learn. I might buy some new pens, too! But like my teacher self, I feel I have a lot more at stake. I really want this to work. I want to be successful. I want to be a writer.

Okay, to be honest my course doesn't start until October. But everyone else is getting ready to go back to school and the weather has gotten decidedly cooler, so I figured I'd have sympathy with the rest of you and share a list I made back in May when I was first thinking about doing this program. It's a list of all my back to school fears.
  • What if no one likes my writing?
  • What if I don't make any friends?
  • What if they think I'm weird or they aren't anything like me?
  • What if I'm the oldest person on the course and they're all young single women who just want to go out drinking every night and they think I'm antisocial?
  • What if my classes aren't challenging enough?
  • What if I'm at the bottom of the class?
  • What if I don't enjoy it?
  • What if I have a mental block?
  • What if I can't write that long, day in, day out?
  • What if I don't like anything we read?
Isn't back to school grand? *sigh*

Any back to school fears of your own?

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